Hey guys, I guess it's been awhile since I open up my blog. So from here on I'll keep my story short so everyone can digest. I decided to start up my blog back like how I use to update it before since I think its a good opportunity for me to express myself here rather than expressing myself in the reality world. I know some people will say that I'm trying to get attention or whatever you wanna say I just don't care for I write to express myself not to impress other so don't bother reading my post if you think it's a rubbish or bull crap. I don't really express my feelings to my family and friends I usually keeps everything to myself so in the end when thing gets out of hand I just explode and if I don't manage myself from now on I'm going to be crazy soon for god sake.
This month February 2013 year has pass since that incident, where I broke up with her. To be honest I kind of miss her and my friends where we used to hang around together and have a good laughter, gosh I miss that moment. But then again back to reality, things will never be the same and life goes on. During that one year period it was devastating for me, I'm so mess up that I don't even recognize myself anymore. But steadily but surely I stand back on my own two feet and continue on my life without her around of course it's all thanks to my friends and family for helping me with open arms. For starter I start by crawling my way through life and eventually I start walking with my life with ease alhamdulillah and now I start running to chase back my goal to achieve my degree which I'll manage insha Allah.
During that 1 year period also I find myself falling in love with another friend of mine which is I never expected this to happen. Oh great! Now I fall in love with my classmate yet again. At 1st I have my doubt, maybe because I'm still traumatize by my previous relationship whether to go on or just stay as her friend will be suffice. Then again never underestimate "love" which I fall for her and I decided to give it a shot, and I got shot down for the 1st time. But no matter, I'm not going to give up anytime soon. I'll keep on trying and trying which eventually she accepted me. Wooow, now that I'm with her I felt that I'm the luckiest person and for me it's an answered prayer from Allah which I'm really grateful.
The sad part starts now it's not that long before she decided to call off our relationship with a reason that she can't get over her ex which is pretty much understandable for me but still it's painful to bear with it. Do take note that this is purely coincidence it's the same date and month where my ex ask me to break off with her. Well I'm not going to lie I'll be honest with you guys my internship during that day went silent. I try to work as steady as possible trying to hide my sadness from others but I just can't. When I finish my work I went straight back home and started to think about what could I've done to her that she decided to end this. I think hard until I reach to a conclusion, it's just too fast and she's not ready with it and it seems I've done something that really mess up her daily life. Even though I know the reason about it I still went ahead and call her. If it's possible for me, I'd like to meet her and settle everything peacefully. But I guess it's not my sustenance I only manage to settle this matter via what's app. During that period of time I couldn't bear reading all of her messages to me, I ask her to stop not because I don't want to read anything from her. It's just I couldn't bear to hurt her even more than the state she's already in. So I decided to swallow up all the pain and gave her my positive response so that she'll be at ease knowing that I'm all fine even though I'm actually not.
In the end life is unfair but that's how life works. But I do remember this that Allah will never give you a trial that me myself can't overcome insha Allah it takes time but I will do my best. Well I continue living my life with this kind of thoughts always crosses my mind when I'm alone;
"Have you been well?"
"Whats up?"
"Hey, what did I use to talk with you about?"
"How did I talk to you, and how did I laugh?"
"I was waiting for you, I wanted to let you know..."
"It was long. It was the goal I couldn't give up on.."
"So you made your dream come true"
"But I lost so much for it"
"Even now. I've come to love you more than before"
Even without you, I'm doing well here. I work hard, little by little everyday. As I know you and I can't walk in the same path. I'm sure you'll leave this place and go far away. You can go much further than me. But I can't... I'm stuck here, I'll be here forever. That's the kind of person I am. You've got higher places waiting for you, somewhere higher than next to me. But hey I know it's a little late, but I'll go to where you are too. I come to you with everything that I got. That's it for tonight folks until next time, adieu
P/S: Do take note that english is not my native languages so my post will surely have a lot of grammatical error I hope that grammar nazis out there can forgive me
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